- 29 September 2016
How Can I Stop Feeling Insecure About My Boyfriend’s Exes
It’s likely that you’re not your boyfriend’s first love. Which means you have to deal with the dreaded ex factor. Whether your boyfriend has gone full-disclosure or not, if you’re insecure about his past history it may be time to take a closer look at your thinking . If you really want to make the relationship work, you will have to tackle your insecurities over your partner’s history — as long as he’s game to be just as committed and faithful. You might not be his first girlfriend, but with luck and lots of work you may just be his last. Read More: Lessons To Boost Your Charisma and Win People Over
Focus on the Present
Focus on everything you love about your boyfriend and your relationship in order to stop letting your insecurities control you. Take the time to notice everything your boyfriend does for you and how much he loves you. Focusing on the past is a recipe for a life of unhappiness, according to Georgia Psychological Association. You may make a list of everything you are grateful for and then put it in a place you will see every day. If your life is full of positivity and gratitude, you will have no room to think about the past, much less dwell on it or allow it to lead to feelings of inadequacy.
Adjust Your Expectations
Almost all boyfriends come with baggage. If you feel insecure about your man’s history, then you’re likely wishing for something that will never come to pass — that you could simply erase all trace of those pesky exes. That said, if you’re serious about your man, you truly love him, and you want to have a future with him, it may be time to accept him and his history as they are, I advises. After all, that history helped make him into the man you love today. So put aside your ex-hating and focus on accepting the person your boyfriend is, baggage and all.
Keep an Open Ear
Every mention of his exes makes you inwardly cringe. Toby Salter, a Los Angeles-based marriage and family therapist, advises that you shut out that shudder and practice listening to his ex tales with an open mind. If you boyfriend trusts you enough to discuss the likely painful subject of his exes, he’s demonstrating trust in you. He needs to feel like he can be open and honest without resorting to sharing every little detail. If he feels like he can share and that you’ll still accept him, then this level of trust will bode well for your relationship. Read More: Understanding The Male Mind In Relationships
How Committed Is He?
If your boyfriend has a history of cheating, on you or with other partners, then your insecurity may be well-justified, says Abell. It’s important to evaluate whether your partner has really changed his cheating ways and what’s more, that you trust him. It’s counter-productive to demand he shut out his exes. What’s more important is whether your feelings of jealousy stem from insecurity or if they are justified. You then need to evaluate whether you can date someone who may not share your desire to have a monogamous relationship. If you can’t trust him and you can’t see eye-to-eye on a value so basic as monogamy, then your relationship is going to be very difficult. Try talking it out first and seeing if you can work through your differences. Read More: Expensive Emotion You Have When It Comes to Dating.
Reflect and Discuss
You need to talk to your honey about your insecurity. But first reflect on its cause — whether it’s justified or if it stems from insecurity. If the latter, you may need to talk to a friend or therapist to help you increase your self-confidence. Insecurity can drive a wedge in a relationship and it’s important to do your own work to fight it. Once you’ve thought on your insecurity, talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and explain that it’s important for him to listen, as it’s a hot topic for you. Then return the favor and listen to his comments. You may have different views about exes. Still, it’s most important to air your fears.
Then try to put his ex files behind you and leave the past where it belongs. I recommends seeing a Online Dating Coach together if the issue gets especially thorny.
Improve Your Self-Esteem
Improve your sense of self-confidence by doing something for yourself, such as getting a makeover or beginning an activity that will take your mind off of your negative thoughts. For example, joining an exercise class will release endorphins, which will put you in a positive mood and make you feel good about your body. Improving your self-esteem will take care of the root problem behind your negative thoughts: the insecurity that is causing you to compare yourself to your boyfriend’s exes. Read More: 3 Thіngѕ Thаt Turn Men Off On a First Date
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